THE GROCERY STORE

Hey there sagacious reader.  I have shopped in several different stores over the (many) years and have discovered that most of them do certain things that annoy me.  There are 3 things though that really drive me crazy.  First is what I like to call 'coupon confusion'; second, 'no shelf left behind' and last, 'the price is (maybe) right'.

'Coupon confusion' is an ad in the (junk mail) store's flyer that comes in the mail every week.  I'm sure you know what I mean. Doesn't matter where you live - we all have our own brand of junk mail, don't we? Recently I saw an ad for coke and I needed to replenish my stock.  I love my coke!  (Cola, people, relax)  :0 Anyway, the ad wasn't particularly specific, just said something about 'selected varieties'.  So off I go to the store hoping to pick up a nice variety of my favorite drink. When I walked in, there was a large stash of coke piled right inside the front door.  You couldn't miss it.  However, there were only two kinds displayed there.  Diet coke, regular coke.  Hmm. What? That's it?  Not much of a variety in my opinion.  

I started my regular shopping and figured I'd ask an employee about it when I saw one.  I did see a manager and asked him.  He was not helpful (and a little cranky about it, too!)  He pretty much just pointed at the pile and went about his business.  He must have been busy cause I don't usually have customer service problems at that particular store.  Well, I decided at the last moment to take a look at the soda aisle itself to see if I could find clarity there.  Big mistake.  Their stupid "special" tag was placed here and there below many different varieties but there was nothing conclusive about what exactly was on sale. When I asked another employee they just shrugged, smiled sheepishly and said to ask the manager.  Been there, done that.  Not helpful.  

By this time I'm feeling majorly cranky and decide to just stick with the obvious and buy what's available at the front of the store.  I know for sure that coke is on sale.  I wasn't happy about it (to say the least) but didn't want to grab the wrong thing, wait in line, have the clerk ring up the higher price, have to tell her "nope, don't want it", go back and grab the sale item, thus pissing off all the people waiting in line behind me.  Ya know?  I didn't want to be "that person."  So instead, I took my frustration out on the poor clerk.  (So sorry, couldn't help myself!)  Not her fault, I know.  And she was really nice.  

Now, this whole ugly thing could have been avoided if they had been more explicit in their coupon.  Just name the damn varieties in your ad!  How difficult is that?  

On to 'no shelf left behind'.  This phenomenon occurs when the store runs out of a product that should be on the shelf.  Instead of leaving the space empty so shoppers (like me) can see that they are temporarily out of said item, the store puts other product, usually its neighbor, in its place.  I don't like it. Drives me nuts!  When I shop for a particular thing and I don't see it on the shelf, I automatically look to see if its 'sticker' is still posted.  This way I know whether or not they still carry the item.  If I see the 'sticker' I think maybe there's one or two items still there, maybe way in the back. Why there's other crap stocked there, I don't know.  

I was told that it was "store policy" not to have a blank space on their shelves.  Makes em look incompetent or something.  Really?  Who cares? Well, having other product in the space where my product should be doesn't work for me.  Like I said, there may be one or two of my item back there and I have to look. Once or twice I actually have found what I was looking for.  So there is always hope.  As tempting as it is, I stop myself short of chucking the unwanted item on the floor in my desire to find what I want.  I do shove things around a bit, even checking in the back of the adjacent rows.  I can be quite messy at times.  Not my fault.  It all could be avoided if they would just leave that space blank.  (Right?)

Now as for 'the price is (maybe) right', what can I say?  I really hate not knowing what an item is going to cost me.  How hard is it to price things?  I miss the 'good old days' when stores stuck a price tag right on the item. You always knew what you were going to pay for something.  No ugly surprises.  Nowadays it's a crap shoot.

When you're shopping you ought to be able to grab whatever you want, comfortable in knowing what the cost is going to be.  You shouldn't have to guess.  Or hunt down an employee to ask (which would then entail waiting around for them to find out).  Or search for an in-store scanner. (Really?  What's up with that?)  A bar code doesn't tell me anything. Now if they put the price on the bar code, that would work.  But do they?  Of course not. 

The prices should be right there; upfront and center. And if not?  Well, I have my own ideas about that!  My version of an effective 'store policy'.  I think that if you can't find the price of an item either on it or anywhere in the immediate area, it should be free.  That would teach em. After all, give away enough stuff and the stores would wise up. Get their shit together, make sure their products are priced out and make life a little easier for us shoppers. 

So there you have it.  My favorite grocery store gripes.  I'm sure some of you readers out there have run across similar situations where you live. And it must make you at least a little bit cranky. (Even if you aren't an old bird!) If so, then perhaps you will join me in extending to these stores a long overdue and much deserved BITE ME!

THE LAZY SHOPPER

(A nod to Poo)

Hey there sagacious reader.  I'm probably one of the few ladies out there who doesn't like to shop.  I find it tedious and usually boring.  It's a chore. There may be once or twice a year that I get in the mood to shop.  But that's it.  

That being said, I am for the most part, a courteous, friendly shopper.  I have no problem striking up conversations with people I don't know.  Helps pass the time and make the (dreaded) shopping experience a little more pleasant. If I see something out of place, I've been known to 'tidy up' and put things back where they go.  This applies to all kinds of different places; grocery stores, clothing stores, drug stores.  I don't have a problem in furniture stores.  Things in those places pretty much stay put.  Stay right where they ought to be.  But the rest of em?  Not so much.

When I do drag myself out to go shopping, I just want to 'get er done'.  I don't want to spend any more time than I have to.  In and out.  Quick and painless.  But the "quality control" freak in me is always lurking in the back of my mind; ready to spring into action. If I'm in a clothes store and I see a shirt lying on the floor, I will pick it up and put it back on the rack.  Why not? I don't know why it's down there in the first place.  I'm pretty sure it started out on a hangar.  So, some rude, thoughtless person, mauling the clothes, knocking things off the rack; leaving them on the floor just begging to be stepped on and ruined. What? Too lazy to bend over and pick it up? Couldn't see it there?  Did your tummy get in the way, blind you to what was lying at your feet?  

Dropping clothes on the floor, flinging shoes around, leaving a roll of paper towels in the middle of the cat food aisle, that I can deal with.  Rude but bearable.  But leaving ice cream in the bread aisle, a package of pork chops in with the condiments, a gallon of milk nestled among the canned goods? That ain't right!  Who does that?  Surely you, my loyal readers, wouldn't do such a thing.  (Would you?)  It's rude.  And lazy?  Duh.  

How hard is it to put the perishable products (at least) back if you change your mind?  Which is an oddity in itself.  Why would you pick up something like meat or milk and then change your mind?  Is it a financial thing?  Did you suddenly remember that there wasn't enough money to pay for everything and decided you needed canned corn more than you needed milk?  It's a conundrum.

So there they sit; unwanted and forgotten--temperature rising, slowly melting. Nobody's gonna buy em now.  I mean, ewww!  Possible food poisoning, anyone?  So here this (rude) person has wasted what was once perfectly good food.  And why?  Because, for whatever (unacceptable) reason, they were just too damn lazy to put it back! Though you'd think they'd at least have told someone!  And in a timely fashion.  But who knows?  Maybe they're too embarrassed or more likely, too lazy to look for someone.  

So now the store has incurred losses and will feel the need to make up for that.  And we all know who ends up paying for it! Thanks so much, you stupid lazy cow, whoever you are.  (I'll bet that's your shopping cart I see left in my parking space, hmm?)  If you can't walk your ice cream, meat or milk back, I'm sure your shopping cart has NO chance of being returned to one of the (usually) convenient corrals. I mean just think of all that unpleasant exercise!

So to you, (and you know who you are) for your rude behavior, thoughtless attitude and unbelievable laziness, I say BITE ME!
  

THE RUDE DRIVER

Hey there sagacious reader.  Around these parts, people exhibit a lot of rude behavior on the road. I'm sure that normally they are nice, respectful people. Until they get in their cars. And then? It's like something snaps when they get behind the wheel.  It happens way more often than it should.  At least where I live.  Everyone is always in a hurry; or worse, driving way too slow. (Style crampers, that's what I call the slow ones.)

Something happened yesterday that I fInd particularly rude. It's not the first time it's happened and I'm absolutely positively sure it won't be the last. Not unless everyone gives up driving that is. (And wouldn't that be nice?) I will admit, it provoked a tiny bit of road rage in me (it always does) which I successfully (somewhat) stifled.  It was a proud moment.

I was (as usual) on my way to the store to pick up a few things. I was in a pretty good mood, feeling relaxed and mellow.  No anger issues.  Not even a tiny bit cranky. Just wanted to get to the store, get what I needed and get home.  Piece of cake. 

From where I live the quickest and easiest way to the store is via the freeway. Strange maybe, but true.  Friday afternoons around here are a nightmare for travelling.  Heading south, which is the way I needed to go, is always jammed full of cars; people heading who-knows-where to do who-knows-what.  Happens every Friday.  Saturdays too.  I have no idea why, but there it is.

Heading up the on ramp to squeeze my way into the south-bound traffic is always a challenge.  Yesterday wasn't too bad.  Not as many cars as usual. I was speeding up, checking my mirrors, glancing over my shoulder, checking traffic like the good and polite (mostly) driver that I am.  There were several cars behind me and I was also well aware of them.  I threw on my left-hand turn signal, checking for a break in the traffic, still keeping an eye on my mirrors.  And my moment came.  A slight break.  Just as I was getting ready to merge over, the car behind me (no blinker) moved over.  I was thinking of moving over myself; there was still enough room.  But before I could finish that thought, the guy hits the gas, speeds up and blocked me.  Really, dude?


I tell ya, for a very brief moment there I considered moving over anyway.  I had the right of way. I was in front, indicating my intentions by using my blinker so that ass knew I wanted to move over.  And if I had, (and I could have, easily) he would have hit me from behind.  And in this state that would make the accident his fault.  Now I don't always agree with that particular law but in this case?  Bring in on!

I mean, how rude is that?  I don't know what that idiot was thinking. Any rational person would have known what my intentions were.  My blinker was on, that's a pretty good indicator. Most folks know the purpose of blinkers.   Maybe he was just in a hurry.  But cutting me off like that didn't save him more than a second or two at best.  And here, on a Friday afternoon, he wasn't going to get very far before he hit the bumper-to-bumper traffic. (Ha!) So, what did that extra second get him? Nothing. Nothing but a pissed off me. Not a pretty picture. And he ruined my perfectly good mood. (asshole) 

This type of behavior begs the question: Is he just rude or does he have his head up his ass?  I will let you, savvy readers, be the judge of that.  For me, I have only one thing to say to that guy and any others like him who are lurking out there on our roads, just waiting for the chance to cut us off.  And that, as you may have deduced, is BITE ME!