THE LAZY SHOPPER

(A nod to Poo)

Hey there sagacious reader.  I'm probably one of the few ladies out there who doesn't like to shop.  I find it tedious and usually boring.  It's a chore. There may be once or twice a year that I get in the mood to shop.  But that's it.  

That being said, I am for the most part, a courteous, friendly shopper.  I have no problem striking up conversations with people I don't know.  Helps pass the time and make the (dreaded) shopping experience a little more pleasant. If I see something out of place, I've been known to 'tidy up' and put things back where they go.  This applies to all kinds of different places; grocery stores, clothing stores, drug stores.  I don't have a problem in furniture stores.  Things in those places pretty much stay put.  Stay right where they ought to be.  But the rest of em?  Not so much.

When I do drag myself out to go shopping, I just want to 'get er done'.  I don't want to spend any more time than I have to.  In and out.  Quick and painless.  But the "quality control" freak in me is always lurking in the back of my mind; ready to spring into action. If I'm in a clothes store and I see a shirt lying on the floor, I will pick it up and put it back on the rack.  Why not? I don't know why it's down there in the first place.  I'm pretty sure it started out on a hangar.  So, some rude, thoughtless person, mauling the clothes, knocking things off the rack; leaving them on the floor just begging to be stepped on and ruined. What? Too lazy to bend over and pick it up? Couldn't see it there?  Did your tummy get in the way, blind you to what was lying at your feet?  

Dropping clothes on the floor, flinging shoes around, leaving a roll of paper towels in the middle of the cat food aisle, that I can deal with.  Rude but bearable.  But leaving ice cream in the bread aisle, a package of pork chops in with the condiments, a gallon of milk nestled among the canned goods? That ain't right!  Who does that?  Surely you, my loyal readers, wouldn't do such a thing.  (Would you?)  It's rude.  And lazy?  Duh.  

How hard is it to put the perishable products (at least) back if you change your mind?  Which is an oddity in itself.  Why would you pick up something like meat or milk and then change your mind?  Is it a financial thing?  Did you suddenly remember that there wasn't enough money to pay for everything and decided you needed canned corn more than you needed milk?  It's a conundrum.

So there they sit; unwanted and forgotten--temperature rising, slowly melting. Nobody's gonna buy em now.  I mean, ewww!  Possible food poisoning, anyone?  So here this (rude) person has wasted what was once perfectly good food.  And why?  Because, for whatever (unacceptable) reason, they were just too damn lazy to put it back! Though you'd think they'd at least have told someone!  And in a timely fashion.  But who knows?  Maybe they're too embarrassed or more likely, too lazy to look for someone.  

So now the store has incurred losses and will feel the need to make up for that.  And we all know who ends up paying for it! Thanks so much, you stupid lazy cow, whoever you are.  (I'll bet that's your shopping cart I see left in my parking space, hmm?)  If you can't walk your ice cream, meat or milk back, I'm sure your shopping cart has NO chance of being returned to one of the (usually) convenient corrals. I mean just think of all that unpleasant exercise!

So to you, (and you know who you are) for your rude behavior, thoughtless attitude and unbelievable laziness, I say BITE ME!