THE SMALL PLANE

Hey there sagacious reader.  I live really close to an airfield that caters to small planes.  The kind I don't get in; prop jobs, the ones that have maybe 2 passenger seats. The jumbo jets that fly from there seat maybe 4 to 6 (maybe 7 if there's a jump seat).  The ginormous 8-10-seaters don't fly out of there.  The runway is too short.  Those commuters have to use the larger airfield located one town over.

The problem with living next to this airfield is that those little buggers don't follow the rules. They are supposed to follow a certain flight path; down the river and out over the ocean before turning north, south, east or west.  That was the plan and they're not sticking to it! And they're loud. And annoying.  It's like having a horde of humongous bugs constantly buzzing around your head. Who wants to deal with that? Certainly not me.

Mostly on the weekends there are planes flying overhead that provide (crazy) people with the opportunity to enjoy parachuting. Though why anyone would want to jump out of a perfectly good (hopefully) airplane is beyond me.  However, people do.  Every weekend.  So the planes make lots of trips out over the ocean and back to the airfield to load up more crazies. Back and forth. Again and again and again.  Lucky me.   
Though I must say, I do enjoy the sight of colorful and (blessedly) quiet parachutes floating through the air. Happy landings you crazy people!

Here's what I think just might do the trick, but first....

The scenario:  Relaxing outside, enjoying the morning peace, perhaps sipping a cup of coffee.  What a great time to get in touch with a friend or family member.  Grab the phone, make the call.  Enjoy a nice conversation while basking in the warmth of the sun.  Ahhh, what could be better than that? Uhoh, what's that I hear?  A plane. Flying right over my house.  
Excuse me a moment dear friend, I can't hear you.  Ok. It's gone.  Now I can hear you. What were you saying?  Wait, another plane.  Really?  Hold on another moment.  And on and on.  Into the afternoon and on into the evening.  The delightful drone of aircraft.  

And my solution, albeit a hair radical, is simple.  A sure way to keep the planes out of my airspace and on the prescribed flight path. Just put one up the tailpipe of a plane and the rest will get the hint and fall in line.  What do you think?  I'm pretty sure that would work. Although....I wonder if they would let me have a computer in prison....
And being as how I much prefer using my name over being referred to by number, I guess I'll just have to deal with those annoying planes buzzing me. For now, anyway.  :-)

So, to all those pilots out there, those who do not adhere to the rules of the airways, who selfishly dare to disturb the tranquility of your neighbors, I say BITE ME!
  

THE ELECTIONS

Hey there sagacious reader.  Well, it's most definitely that time again.  It's easy enough to recognize its insidious approach.  Junk mail quadruples with assorted flyers and leaflets depicting one side of an issue or the other.  Who reads that crap?  Its not as if the information is 100% accurate; not biased in any way. You're better off logging on to your computer and looking up the issues for yourself.  At least that way you will have access to both sides. And I trust that the good people out there can read and make educated decisions for themselves.

And then there is my personal favorite: the candidates.  Flyer after flyer appears in either my mailbox or attached to my front door. And their content? Recommending Joe Blow for office while at the same time condemning his opponent, Dick Wad. And the problem with Dick?  Well for one thing, he doesn't agree with Joe's opinion on how things should be done. And (according to Joe) he has a checkered past and would be the worst possible person to be put in charge of running things.  And Dick is really no better than Joe.  His flyers are identical to Joe's with the names reversed; the content, however, remains the same.  Just think of all those poor trees that gave their lives.  Such a waste!  I, for one, would much rather have the trees. They at least are beneficial.

And the phone calls!  Thank God for 'caller id'.  Of course a lot of calls come up as "unavailable" or "unknown"; never a good sign. I don't answer any of them. I let my machine do the talking. And these days, it's not even a real live person calling.  It's an automated message.  So why bother picking up the phone? Not much satisfaction is hanging up on a recorded person. Then there's TV - absolutely inundated with political ads. Thankfully I record everything I want to watch and am able to 'fast forward' through all the crap.  Though at times I do find it informative (and amusing) to see who is sponsoring the more interesting ones.  Lets me know who or what not to vote for.

But for me, the worst of all is the unwanted political ads that pop up on my new cell phone (thank you son) when I'm in the middle of a game. (I do so love my Scrabble games!) No fast forwarding through those ads.  And they're sooo long!. Bad move Mr. Candidate. There's no way I'm casting my vote for anyone who sticks a stupid ad in the middle of my game! 

Thankfully, there is light an the end of the tunnel.  Election day is right around the corner and then there will be blessed relief for at least another year.  I do wonder just how much money is wasted on all the myriad ways opinions are voiced through TV, radio and mail. And just think of all the good that money could do.  I know I could sure use some!  Maybe they could take all that money the candidates spend on getting themselves elected and give it back to the people who elect them.  Just food for thought.....

So, for all the money wasted, for all the trees that needlessly died to produce the paper and most importantly, to all the people who plague us with their stupid unwanted ads, I say BITE ME!

THE COLD

Hey there sagacious reader.  One of the (way too many) bad things about being an old bird is Cold and Flu Season.  Which, as far as I'm concerned, is year round.  I mean I can 'catch a cold' just as easily in the Spring as I can in the Fall or Winter.  Or the Summer for that matter.  But when it's 90 to 100 degrees outside calling it a cold just doesn't seem right.  But what else is there?  I don't suppose people want to go around telling everyone they caught a 'hot'.  (Too many visuals involved.)  So there it is.  And who the heck coined the phrase "catch a cold"?  Would anyone in their right mind want to catch one?  I think not.

I can remember (really) catching a cold when I was younger.  One day I'd wake up with the sniffles and maybe a scratchy throat.  I would cough a bit and blow my nose for a couple of days and then I'd be all better.  Catching a cold was no big deal.  But now?  Ha!  When I catch a cold these days, I hang on to that sucker for all its worth!  Not that I want to.  But apparently I don't have much say in the matter.  One day I wake up with the sniffles and maybe a scratchy throat.  Sometimes the cold doesn't really want to be in my head, so it vacates that area in a timely fashion.  I can't say I blame it.  Most times my heads a scary place to be!  :-)  A day or so later comes the cough.  Next thing I know, weeks have passed.  Sniffles are long gone; throat feels ok. But the cough?  Oh no.  It lingers on and on; the unwanted gift that just keeps on giving.  

What's up with that?  As if getting older isn't punishment enough what with all the unwarranted aches and pains.  And cramping.  Right out of the blue, for no reason at all, cramps in muscles I didn't even know I had!  Kind of sucks the fun out of life.  I can't even stretch anymore without fear of doing bodily damage.  It's as if my body has mutinied.  Ungrateful, that's what it is.  And after everything I've done for it over the (many, many) years.  Lots of yummy foods, lots of Vitamin D, exercise at least once or twice a month. Sheesh!  Then there's the unwanted and surprising leaks that can occur at any given moment.  Sooo embarrassing! 

So here I sit, dear reader, hacking up fur balls while trying to express myself.  It's not easy.  Every now and then I have to stop and wipe the goo off the keyboard. And change my panties.  Just kidding. (sort of...)  But I did want to keep in touch.  It's been a while since I've written and I don't want to disappoint those of you who enjoy reading my diatribes against life.  Hang in there.  I should get better any month now!

In closing, I'd like to address that nasty little 'cold' virus that roams the Earth, gleefully attacking all who dare stand in its way.  To you, misbegotten, miserable, worthless plague on humanity.  You are the zit on a maggots ass. And so on behalf of all I say, BITE ME!

THE HOLIDAYS

Hey there sagacious reader.  Welcome to the New Year.  I hope it treats you the way you deserve to be treated.  And I trust you have been behaving well enough to have only good things in store. I am concerned for those of you who received lumps of coal. Try to do better this year, ok?

Ah, the holidays: a happy time -- family, friends, good cheer.  Well yes, there is usually plenty of that. At least in places that are well stocked with alcohol! But for some there is also high stress and serious debt.  Nobody talks about that part of the holidays. The stress we just manage as best we can and the debt we simply put off until the new year.  We are very well adapted to postponing the inevitable; to ignoring the 'dark side'.  At least until January rolls around.

The holidays start out pleasantly enough. Thanksgiving.  A time for family and friends to get together and enjoy a good meal and good conversation. Everybody pitching in to prepare the big meal; sitting down together to enjoy the food, chatting happily, sharing their lives; everyone joining in to help with the clean up.  Is that how it works in your family?  I remember it more like this:  The women pitch in to prepare the big meal while the men sit around drinking and watching football; everyone sits wherever, the men usually in front of the TV, the women trying to talk and be heard over the football game; the women joining in the help with the clean up while the men continue drinking and watching football.  Now that's Thanksgiving!

Then comes Christmas.  A mad flurry of activity: shopping, gift wrapping and house decorating.  Don't you just love all the extra traffic, the hoards of people vying for the same parking spaces as you, the waiting in horrendous lines to purchase gifts you may or may not be able to afford?  

Not to mention the hours spent wrapping said gifts and labeling them so they are opened by the right people. Add to the good times; climbing ladders to put up your outside lights and stringing more lights through your bushes and around your windows. Filling your lawn with pudgy red Santas and cute little reindeer. Then fill your home with red and green doodads and whatnots to provide the proper holiday spirit inside.  I'm exhausted all ready!  All I can say is thank god for the internet; the wise shoppers' choice for making this time of year a little bit easier.  

On the bright side; for many of us there are Christmas parties. Now those can be fun!  No stress, no debt.  Just good eats, free alcohol (hopefully) and good friends to share it with.  And any exhaustion incurred there is worthwhile.  All in all, these parties are a beacon of light in an otherwise hectic season.

So, to the good times of the season, the happy moments shared, I have nothing to say but Happy New Year!  To the stress and the debt and the exhaustion of the season I definitely say BITE ME!

TO GINGERSNAPPY

Hey there sagacious reader.  I wanted to extend a personal 'thank you' to the (obviously) savvy person known to me only (I think) as gingersnappy. I do so appreciate your adding me to your circle, though I must admit I'm not entirely sure what that means.  But it can only be a good thing, right?  I mean circles are cool; rings are circles and who doesn't like wearing rings? And planets are basically circles and where would we be without them? Then there's crop circles.  How cool are those?  Not that I've ever seen one, but still.  I like circles.  And you, dear gingersnappy, are apparently a very wise individual who appreciates a good read.  To you I proffer my hopes for a very Happy New Year!