THE "ME FIRST" DRIVER

Hey there sagacious reader.  Now, of course, I don't know where you live but here in southern California we have some unbelievably rude drivers. Well, lots of rude drivers really and I've been around the block a few times! I've driven through most of the western states and have run across my fair share of questionable drivers, but as for the totally unaware, uncaring or just plain rude, there's no place like home.

Now I will admit, I do suffer from a mild yet constant case of road rage.  I can't help it.  I don't fault myself.  Not really.  It's all the idiots around me on the road.  They don't seem to understand that when I'm driving. it's my road. (Ha, gotcha!)  Just kidding.  (maybe)  I can hardly make it to the end of my street before I'm fuming about one thing or another. 

However, for today I will concentrate on the freeway drivers who think it is ok to bypass all the slow moving traffic that the rest of us so obviously adore and move (butt) over whenever they want to.  Really?  I often wonder what is going through their narcissistic, tiny little minds.  Do they think we like sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic? Maybe they think that gives us the time we need to apply our make-up, reconcile our bank account, read the latest best seller?  I don't know.  They obviously think we don't mind waiting patiently (aargh) for our turn to merge over and go about our day.  And I am giving them lots of credence here; I'm not convinced they think at all!  On that note, sagacious readers, feel free to comment.  :-)

Back in the day I would have generously shared with them vigorous hand gestures coupled with choice expletives.  But not anymore.  I have matured. Really.  Just ask anyone!  ;-)  Now I just (somewhat) quietly endure, all the while entertaining delicious thoughts of inflicting bodily harm.  Alas, thoughts they must remain.  It's that 'healthy fear of imprisonment' thing again. 

But there are two types of situations that really piss me off.  
1) the last minute move over to exit, and 
2) the last minute pull over to enter. 
Now I'm pretty sure everyone knows where they're going when they start their drive so they ought to know what exit they need to take.  And everyone knows that you have to merge into traffic when entering a freeway.  I mean, really, onramps don't last forever!  People have plenty of time to move on or off the freeway in a timely, polite fashion.  So what the hell's the matter with em?

I swear I can smell these people coming from a mile away.  And a quick peek in the rear view mirror usually confirms it.  I just know they're going to try to cut in front of me at the last second.  And you know what?  (Of course you do) More times than not I'm 99.9% right.  So, what do I do?  Well, I must confess, I tend to hug the bumper of the car in front of me, quietly declaring war; just daring them to go for it.  And they don't disappoint.  Oh no.  I mean, where's the fun in that?  It's way more fun to play some form of 'chicken' when the other driver (me) is in a VW bug and you (asshole) are in something bigger, as most vehicles are.  It's that 'law of gross tonnage' thing - a story for another time.  

Anyway, I've had more close calls than I can remember.  I know, I know, that's not saying much (damn old age - memory all shot to hell!)  Sometimes I win, sometimes I lose. If I wasn't so fond of my little blue bug, I might just put up more of a fight.  I just hate it when I have to surrender!  (I don't go easy)  And if it weren't for those pesky auto insurance regulations, I'd have way more wins!

But as it stands now, all I can say to those who willfully wait til the last possible moment to cut in, unaware or uncaring, with complete contempt for the rest of us is BITE ME!