THE NEIGHBOR

Hey there sagacious reader. I will readily admit that I am not an in-your-face kind of neighbor. I'm not the type to bake pies or casseroles and have 'welcome to the neighborhood' parties. Never have been.  It's not my style. I'm more of the live and let live sort. But don't get me wrong. I don't go out of my way to avoid my neighbors. Most of em anyway. I say hello and smile (usually) when I see them.  And if someone needs something, as tempting as it can be, I don't run and hide behind closed doors. I believe in offering a helping hand. 

I have encountered my fair share of, hm 'intriguing' neighbors in my time as I'm sure most of you have.  I mean the crazies have to live somewhere, right? But as for sheer audacity, I hit the jackpot with this one. Talk about balls! Picture the state of Texas and there you have it.  Here's what happened.  I'll let you be the judge. (Just get it right people!  You should know how I feel about judges.)  ;-)

My neighbor had some bushes (yeah, right) planted along the fence line between our backyards.  These "bushes" grew to be, oh about 15' tall.  At the time they were planted a 4' white picket fence (so cute!) separated our yards. This was soon replaced by a taller (not so cute) 6' wooden fence. The choice was made by my neighbors.  I guess they got tired of looking at me.  I don't know why. Who wouldn't want to look at me?  Anyway, the fence went up and that was that. Time went on.  

And then one day I came home from work to find a huge surprise in my backyard. Apparently one of the "bushes" outgrew its ability to anchor itself to the ground.  In that particular battle, gravity won. The bush (tree) lost. Can you say "timber"?  And there it was, this huge bush (tree) lying in my yard, having easily taken out the fence on its way down.  I just stared at it, feeling relieved that at least my dogs and cats were safely inside.  The thought of any of them being enmeshed in those branches was not something I wanted to deal with.

I decided to wait for my husband to get home.  I didn't call him. I didn't want to ruin the surprise. I mean I shouldn't have all the fun (just most of it). He came home; he saw; he was not happy, didn't appreciate the surprise in the least.  He was, however, very calm and collected as he usually is.  Not the least bit cranky.  (That's my department.)  He strode over to the neighbors house and was back soon enough with the neighbor in tow.  I was waiting on the back steps, curious to see the neighbor's reaction though how he could not know about the 'crash' is beyond me; I know he was home at the time. Obviously, by his actions (or lack thereof) he didn't know.

Instead of offering to help deal with the fallen tree (bush), my neighbor just stared for a moment or two, shook his head, muttered something inane and went home.  Really?  

We just stood there for a while, speechless, thinking he would be coming back to help or offer ideas, equipment or something!  But no. Nothing, nada, zilch. Just the two of us, our pets and the tree.  (At this point I refuse to refer to it as a bush. It left bushdom long ago.)

Now the tree was planted in his yard, was his property and as far as I'm concerned, his responsibility.  I'm pretty sure he had the necessary gardening tools to cut that tree up quickly and dispose of it in the green waste (we like to recycle when we can!) while all we had was a small hand saw and some pruning shears.  I guess he figured that since 90% of the tree was in our yard it was our problem to deal with. What an ass.

Needless to say, it took us (well, my husband) several weeks to get the entire mess cleaned up, one branch at a time, with absolutely no help from the neighbor.  Not even the use of his green waste bin. Totally unbelievable, but true.  And if I ever do decide to bake pies (unlikely), that's one neighbor who definitely won't be receiving one.  Unless I bake a Castor bean & humble pie... ;-)

So at this point, all I can say to my neighbor and all the others out there like him, is BITE ME!